Daddy. Frederick Lawrence Kojo Bartels, arrived on April 2, ’51 & left on Boxing day ’13

the eulogy i said for my father – spoken Friday January 3rd, 2014.

DADDY

I am so very blessed that you & kb (mom) had me, taught me, informed me and created me. I have so very much to be grateful for and so very much more that I wanted to share with you. But it is not to be sad but always remember that I have so many memories and thoughts that will always guide me through this life. So many thoughts, ideas and words that flow through my head all day everyday that you said and instilled… that guide me everyday.

I always think about the way you live your life and I live so many of those things, cause they just make sense. You are such a brilliant logical practical man, that my ways can sometimes drive people mad, because I will never make a decision without having all the information to hand because daddy always said it is the only way to never regret your decisions, and I look for the logic in actions. I always recognise that there are no problems in this world, because problems have solutions and if you don’t have a solution then you don’t have a problem, as you said so often. Reminding me that sometimes “you have to massage the system in order to fuck the system”.

I always said that my parents may never have grandchildren because no man can match up to my daddy.

I have never come across someone so simple yet impressive.

Sunday mornings waking up to Stevie wonder, Elton john, Lionel Ritchie, Fela Kuti, David rudder, Shadow – lunch already cooked and enough for E and I to bring friends to eat when we come back from beach. Teaching me that whenever I cook meat I need to always rub a little cinnamon into the meat to bring out the richness. Watching the love and care you took with your cooking, I’m sure was the reason your food always taste bess.

You gave us our love for reading and words; Playing word games on the drives to Toco and watching how you devoured books and the library expand, you had your personal log for books borrowed by friends with your name stamped onto the title page – hardcover only. The evenings of slide shows and playing Romey 500 cause that was the only card game Kb knew. You making a massive batch of fried chicken and boil corn for us to take to our all day dance rehearsals to share.

You simply taking the care to raise me right and teach me to always ask the right questions. Even your very intelligent ways of discipline – you never saw why you should sweat when we need to be punished, so many a time I had to stand in the corner with my arms out or fingers on my lips, even in the company of your friends; to leave me there to ponder how I got myself into this horrible predicament, leaving me there to think and think and think about what I did and why I will never do it again. A solid lesson to always think about my actions as they always have consequences, and you should only ever do something that you are prepared to deal with. Something I will definitely pass on.

You gave me the respect for responsibility, when we got to high school and therefore no longer children that should be woken up for school, you left us if we didn’t wake up on time, to find our way to school, little did you know that your daughters were already too smart (because of you) and E just drove us to school in kb car and we reach in time for break time. Discussing with me the medical problems that come with stealing and smoking your cigarettes but reminding me that I must make my own decision with all the information given, I’ve never regretted becoming a smoker nor can anyone else’s speeches stump or upset me because you already gave me all the knowledge to stand up tall by my choice, regardless of the negatives.

Most importantly you left me,  the best tools a girl can need to navigate this world. And the most amazing name anyone could want – Bartels is a bess surname, my poor children will have to learn to write and spell fast cause their double barrels will take a little time to grasp.

I know that we will get better.

I know that we will miss you terribly and always.

I know that there will be difficult days and no one will ever be allowed to call me Aba again. (one of my ex-men in my life reminded me this week, how much I buffed him when he called me Aba).

I know that April 2^nd our next birthday and those to follow will be horrible, never the less I will always love that I have that birthday.

All in all I know that you loved me, I loved you and I couldn’t have any other daddy and you will never leave me. And that is all that matters, on this plain and the next or whatever.

Bless. xoxo.