these thoughts didn’t come in the shower, i haven’t had my long evening 1 yet, so i’ll prolly have more to write tonight, or more like the wee hours of the morning seeing i am having serious sleep issues… my mind races a whole lot more than normal now, simply because i have no outlet for this energy. yes world. i am officially unemployed. never ever before in my life have i been in this state and it is truly and odd place to be. i have never felt so random and under utilised and everything else. i have been doing my duty of applying and it is so weird this application online thing – i mean i like that i can do it in my undies and a vest, and not have to brush my teeth, but i don’t like getting rejected by email.

i think being told that “i don’t have the experience necessary” via email, is worse than being “broken up with on a post-it” á la Carrie (SATC) & Burger – yes I am a fan, for God’s sake even Jay-z respects a woman’s right to her Sex & The City. but i am a Bishop’s Girl & we reign supreme !! and so therefore I will come out on top… living the life in a new career that i visualise and dream of which is keeping me from sleep. enjoying my days with the beautiful friends i have earned over my years and countries of abode. travelling the world and amassing unforgettable memories.

i didn’t think i would be here ( Ooops !! i jus realised that my i’s are not capitalised – if i am to work in someone’s office, i need to be start making big girl I’s) sorry – back to the point ! with capital I’s

I didn’t think I would be here @ 32, I thought I would have had the amazing job, with some great funds in the bank, living my life without a care. BUT the reality is – I left my job after 10 years in a very specialised niche industry, making & spending shiite loads of money & will still be spending it on paying off an MBA – that ain’t worth shit without experience – and I actually didn’t save properly for what I know call “Zed’s Rapture” and I tell you I better be saved and go into the almighty Kingdom of creative management in all it’s glory!! otherwise, I will ensure that there is hell on earth for the masses to enjoy with me.

It’s funny, getting my MBA – even though it stole a lot of wardrobe additions from me, was so freaking fulfilling to finish and to know “I did that!” all by myself – with no one’s help !! I felt like the biggest puff out peacock… big & bright & proud !! but now what do i do!???!? seriously, everyone is like you need a break, take a break… and yes I know, I have made some major accomplishments, yes I know I have left a legacy, yes I know I will not be forgotten, but what I really know is that the damn bills don’t give 1 shit about any of that, and they just want to be paid.

so even though I know and I look forward to the future that I visualise, the future that I know will come to me, I know I know I must be patient and share my shower thoughts here, to maintain my sanity and to be sure I am not insane, cause you know – it’s your own world in your journal you write whatever and cannot be held accountable or in reality, cyberspace has the option for that and also a fass outta place person, to stop by and leave a blistering comment. I know that I will do whatever needs to be done to keep those blasted bills happy, and I will do it with the comfort knowing that I am going through times that will truly show me what I am made of, and I will walk out on the other side, even more proud than a dancer with an MBA. But as a woman with some brilliant life experience & memories. smiling smugly cause how else was this gonna go anyway but MY WAY cause I have 3 very distinct qualities that makes a real strong woman, who might I add I just realised has not mentioned a dude in her happiness equation …

* side note – he is more than welcome, he just isn’t necessary for me to be happy but he will surely make it more happy !!* before I get labelled as a tree hugging man-hater. nope I LOVE MEN, in all their glorious flaws.

yes back to my amazing wrap up !

I have 3 distinct qualities that makes a real strong woman – 1. I am a Bartels Woman.   2. I am a Bishop’s Girl,  3. I am a professional dancer !!

so take that and smoke it !!!

walk good, bless.

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