a little bit about everything … but mainly cause it was somewhat requested.

it’s funny, the things you never know when you are living your life and allowing others to do the same. You don’t realise that things are happening or that people are watching cause well you just doing you and letting others do them.

I found another person who apparently reads my blog, enough for them to ask me today about what happen to my blogging so I thought I would do jus that but I don’t have something specific to write so I’m just gonna wing it.I truly feel special and touched when someone mentions that they read my blog, as this has been a very selfish adventure, and I don’t consider that others will read… but if I did – I probably won’t write and then the selfish element is over… and I like doing shit that is for me,  so I’m going to pretend that no one knows about this and it’s still my dirty little secret so I can keep doing it. Kinda like when I secretly go shopping and then wait a while before I wear it cause I know if someone asks me if it new, I can technically say no, cause it’s been sitting in my wardrobe for a hot minute….

I feel like life is getting back on track & I am getting better (hint hint from last post) … having weekends and spending time with people, different people…good people.  And what’s more I can do 3 different things in 1 weekend and still spend an entire evening in my bed catching up on my Tv and drinking chocolate baileys, reflecting on conversations had recently.

I’ve had some great ones, ones that I’ve learnt, ones that I wished, ones that I dreamt, ones that are tbc, ones that shared a little piece of me, ones that I wish I activated my filter for. But the most important thing is that I had them, and I can recall them. I haven’t had many since June 29 that I can recall. I even went on a date, which is rare for me mainly because I am an acquired taste and I don’t quite know how to alter myself,  to make me more palatable, so I don’t really do dates and get to know me, unless we have been in the same space numerous times. I do : meet, eat, drink, chemistry – tick yes or no – if yes, then we can have an affair (sexy time, no strings), minimal questions & when I/you get bored/tired/catch feelings/find a serious relationship then we keep it moving; if no – well we could keep eating & drinking but there will be no bedding and then we can lime when we both have time. As for this most recent date, I tick – bleh – not bleh bad, just bleh bleh, conversations were viable, maintained for 4 hours (though littered with visits from other sweet boys coming to my table for a quick cuddle) but long story short, simply not tickling my fancy, he is not on my mind at random points in my day, don’t feel compelled to send a random text that is nothing more than just being able to connect … so now how/when do I actually state such a situation to him… I’m guessing whenever next he asks me again for the 2nd date.

I’ve spoken to my bonafide and she gave counsel to help me find the way to maintain being myself and stay true to my friendship approach – by not making the matter about being a good friend, but solve it by making it about being an honest friend (more on that in my next post). But she put me at ease, and reminded me that what makes me me, IS my loyalist approach to the friendships that I consider. The friendships that grow from like-minded people allowing each other to be themselves and accepting that inevitably we will agree to disagree but must be able to discuss as such i.e be an honest friend not a good friend.

I’ve spoken to 2 fathers about the joys of me not wanting children (probably more on that I yet a next post) but the conversation generated from said fathers not getting involved in Halloween and thus removing their child’s right to dress up and eat copious amounts of candy from strangers carefully watched over by them, without so much as giving them the choice to not be interest. They just didn’t let them because they “not into that Pagan holiday” and “not encouraging them to take candy from strangers for one night, if I always tell them not do it everyday”. But for me I found that all rather unnecessary, I mean it is simply an opportunity to dress as something else and give your teeth a fab opportunity for cavities, it doesn’t have to be more than that, and it makes me think about how people sometimes do as such and make life way more confusing and dramatic than it already is. The way I see it is I will probably have to approach the parenting thing (if it ever comes up and bites me in my ass) as a How-bout-we-let-the-simple-things-remain-simple-&-be-more-concerned-with-not-raising-a-sycopath-or-into-an-adult-I-think-is-an-asshole.

I think I just realised a new post that I am going to have to write, my life’s little choices. I’m starting to get concerned about the length of my posts, I don’t know what is considered good reading length that is perfect enough – one that is long enough to actually have something to say and not one that has become rambling, because I can ramble when I enjoy what I’m thinking about. I sit drinking my coffee and smoking my morning cigarette – giggle & smile to myself as I sit with my thoughts before I go and deal with those crazies in the world that are called ‘people’. Well those that I ….AAAAHHHHHH !! OMG  ! I’m watching Grey’s Anatomy as I write, because I need to always have distractions when I am being productive otherwise I look for something to keep the other part of my brain occupied as well…. aaaannnnnndddddd I just watch that annoying 2nd year who trying to sex the peds doc with 1 leg, i forget her name @ the moment – get her neck eaten by a man… and they just pull the man tooth from her neck bite wound. oh gyeeedd !! sorry I digress …

but I do apologise for calling the rest of the humans, ‘people’ but sometimes they do confuse me and I definitely sure most are not human. AAAAnnnnddd oh GYAD !! this woman come to the ER with a cut and they open it up and a fly come out and it have maggots, cause her stupid ass got a bug bite 4 months ago that got infected. She is a FOOL !!

anyway, I need a top up on my chocolate baileys and johnny black mix and watch a lil The Walking Dead before I go and have a shower and sleep. Wow ! I’m impressed I didn’t need my normal long hot shower to have these random thoughts.

(hope you enjoy – Wundah) 

bless. xoxo.