ONLY 4 of US.

Finally finally the boiler has been fixed !!! apparently paddy (our landlord/fix-it man) didn’t listen to the boiler man 3 months prior (also prior to me returning to Doverfield Road) when he told him he had to flush all the radiators & boiler cause it’s filled with years & years of gunk.. and I mean years – cause we 1st moved in 9 years ago…. but all that said, since then we’ve been having lovely warm, maintained consistent temperature showers. So my thoughts have been rampant cause I don’t have to  stop sudsing and thinking to fiddle with the taps every 90 seconds. Anyway ! shower rant over...

So I’ve been thinking, warm thoughts and I thought about father’s day & families and how complex and undefined they are. I thought about relationships that define you, remind you and never leave you. I thought about the fact that life is ever changing and days come & go without you even realising it & then suddenly things start flying all up in your atmosphere. I thought about the fact that this blog was supposed to be about my men & my shoes, cause I have experience in both of them, I have more of one than the other but I am knowledgable about both. So I guess I should pick 1 of these topics to talk about cause too long of a post can be dreary, and which one will not make me ramble too much …. let me start at the beginning ….

Father’s day – so that was sunday, and the highlight of my day was watching Man of Steel, which might I inform everyone how beautiful and sculpted Henry Cavill is – I thought he was lovely in ,The Tudors but by golly Jay-zus me !! the man is cut and freaking fabulous in this movie. So it wasn’t a wasted day. but really and truly this day seems pretty pointless to me, I think it is great that people celebrate Fathers & Mothers but honestly, if you as their child not honouring your parents as often as you can, cause let’s be real all children do on the ‘special’ day is get a card, some pressies and say I love you. Well aside from the cards and pressies, I tell my parents I love you as often as I can, once I am loving them at that moment. I say that cause families are insane groupings, so many elements that come together that there are many moments, more than most admit where you want to absolutely cut up your family fine fine like chilli bibi cause they just won’t shut up or keep out your business or ask you stupid questions that annoy you or just plain ole being annoying and as I say to my mother often – I’m not supposed to like them just cause we share blood, cause if I met them outside of being considered blood, I wouldn’t want to be their friend – as much as my mother will kill me for telling this to the world, it’s so true. so very true – come on you know you agree, it doesn’t change even if you cover your eyes while you read this through your fingers.

I love my parents but they are human, I love most of my family but they too are human, and we will not always love each other or even like each other, which is why we shouldn’t make it a point of saying it on one day BUT on all the days you love & hate each other. I feel similarly about Valentines – if you don’t tell me you love me and treat me nice more often than not, then you better not feel you smarter than me and that one day is gonna make you a bess boyfriend. Cause I don’t roll like that, I like/need my people to know how much I love them and how I feel cause it’s really the only way for me to make any kinda sense on this journey we call “life”.

Anyway, families … the most interesting thing about them is that they also bring together the most connected and unforgettable moments, like the one I had with my mother & sister on Monday – my sis BBm’d me to give me a heads up about our mother asked her  if she called my dad for father’s day and that she sad about it but cool,  (btw – he pissed me & my sis off, so we not talking to him, and if you know the Bartels girls we not ignoring that fact just cause the world say is a day that we supposed to tell our father we love him – he knows we love him, he raised us smart & loving, and we will talk to him when he stop being silly – really as simple as that.) as my sis and I talking, what happens but my mother calls me & I smile, cause I know exactly what is coming. I love that my big sis and I talk about situs and we both know exactly how KB (that’s what we call mom) gonna react and sometimes just give each other a heads up. And it normally happens that way, we talk about her and her ears burn and she appears to one of us, and we continue talking about her in her face on our chosen mode of contact at the point in time. But as my sis said, she was cool but sad, but she also knows how we stay, cause we are her children through & through. I had to explain it to her as well, regardless he vex me and he is still a human and any other human would still get ignore until things change, he doesn’t get a pass just cause he is my father, but he does get endless love, which means he doesn’t get a full lock off, or as Nico would say, “Get the soca switch.”.
My sis mentioned to me that someone seemed so confused by the fact that we not talking to our dad but the reality is, that shit happens all the time, maybe not in good ole Trinidad but our culture is one where you live in your parents house for as long as you want, so you have no choice but to talk to them, I mean you cyah kotch in their house rent free and be boldface and not talk to them. But for me, who lives across an ocean and in different time zones, it is simple. But most importantly, once we grow up our parents lose their shiny armour that makes them so unbreakable, so omnipotent, so omniscient and they simply become themselves – Karen & Fred – with their amazing flaws and all. But you know what is best about them becoming themselves and not Super Mom & Super Dad, is that you see yourself in them, you see your traits in your parents – the good, bad & the ugly. I feel it made me closer to them, closer to understanding them and certainly to my mom who was always on a plane during my childhood. I love seeing so much of myself in my parents because they are superhuman, they are brilliant, smart, loving, giving, forceful, strong, weak, specific, selfish but most of all it’s them, and that is what I enjoy getting to know, knowing them as themselves as their friends do. And btw, my parents still do surprise me, KB especially – lawd that woman !! she is truly unique.

Even if we talking or not, loving or not, Bartels to the grave. Only 4 of us in Trinidad. Only 4 of us live in St.Lucien Gardens, only 4 of us been through what we go through. Only 4 of us understand the -isms that we all have, and can see likeness. it is now, always & forever – ONLY 4 of US.

Bless. xoxo.